So I went to an event a little while ago. Usually you always read how travelling for dancing will make you more passionate about the dance yadda yadda. Whereas this event pretty much destroyed my dancing mojo.
This is about the icky feeling of having to compete for leads with other follows. More often than not, I was asked for a second dance by wonderful leads, but over the whole weekend I probably got asked to dance no more than five times. Rationally, I know this is not because everyone hates me, but because all free leads get snapped two seconds into a song due to the imbalance (this is also why I didn’t enjoy the social side of Herräng very much). I hate what it does to my state of mind - often the eagerness to please takes precedence over fun or establishing a true partnership.
I like leading, but due to the whole men lead/women follow thing, I always have to make myself known to follows by asking them. I’m also an OK lead (you know, “for a girl”) with fairly solid basics and musicality, but I don’t have a huge range of moves, nor am I able to lead super fast swing outs. There’s still the nagging feeling that I’m second best, somehow. I would ask more women to dance, but unless you know them, how do you know they lead? Plus, they often tend to be amazing follows as well who have no problem getting dances. Even at home, there is really only one person who regulary asks me to lead.
Maybe we should introduce the whole wristband thing…
Also: leads who are not necessarily creepy but make it very clear that they will only dance with the super hottest follows? Do not want. I say this as a young, semi-conventionally attractive woman.
Another side of it is that I don’t feel like I’m improving anymore. Oh no, it’s the dreaded plateau! Sometimes I have amazing and playful dances, but most of the time things are a bit meh. I’ve been trying to implement things I was told in a private a couple of months ago but it does not seem to be making a difference. Sigh….
One thing that has been given me more joy than anything else lately is solo dancing, so I’ll be trying to focus on that, and encourage more people to do it with me. No one to please but myself, not being a vessel to express someone else’s vision of a song but my own, taking risks that don’t affect anyone but me. I think that’s what I need right now.
- A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experiences.
- An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.
- A loss of interest in judging other people.
- A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of other.
- A loss of interest in conflict.
- A loss of the ability to worry.
- Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation.
- Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature.
- An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen.
I think this is why we’re always chasing that perfect dance :) (especially 1, 6, 8, 9)
I was originally going to write “why following is awesome” but my best experiences leading have been when I was completely in the groove and not consciously planning my next move at all - your typical “the music told me to do that”-moments.
(Source: singingbowls)
